Too late
by reidability
Summary: Reid's death has Luke think about the all the opportunities they have missed. If only he could turn back time!
1. Chapter 1

_Of course, I don't own any of the characters from ATWT, I'm simply borrowing them to get over the crap ending they got on the show._

_I'm no native speaker of English so I apologize in advance for any language mistakes and phrases that sound somewhat stupid. I'd appreciate your reviews!_

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The shock of the news crushed him as if though it was him who had been hit by a train. One moment he had been joking and laughing with Casey and everybody had been going on about how Reid would definitely pull it off and return from Bay City with the new heart for Chris in no time and the next moment was being wheeled in on a stretcher, his body all broken and bloody and Bob Hughes babbling about how he was not going to make it…

Half sitting half lying on one of the cushioned visitors' chairs Luke was reliving the horror of the past two hours over and over again, like a film that he just wasn't able to stop running, however much he wished he could. Reid urging him to look for his wallet, Reid making him promise to make sure that Chris would get his heart, the agony in Reid's eyes, the last glance from Reid's beautiful blue eyes, their last kiss, him signing the papers giving away Reid's heart, his last moment with the now deserted body of the man he only just had realized he had loved.

Luke groaned in agony, silent tears streaming down his face. It wasn't possible, this just couldn't have happened, not to Reid, not to him … not to THEM. – 'TO THEM': thinking these words triggered so much grief, it even gave him physical pain. They had only just begun to be some sort of 'them' and now it was over before it had really started?

There were so many things he didn't even know about Reid, so many things we wanted to do with him, so many things to tell him, so many questions to ask, so… Too late! The thought made him cry even harder, sobbing against the back of the chair.

All the missed opportunities of the past few weeks passed before his mind's eye: "I need time." "I'm not ready yet." Bitter regret swelled up in him. Why did he have to behave like some sexually inhibited teenager when actually he knew he wanted Reid from the moment they shared their first kiss back in Dallas? How could he have believed they actually had all the time in the world?

"Life is short." He himself had said those words to Reid only a few days ago, why the hell hadn't he just acted on them? Gone to Katie's apartment and made love right there and then. Now he would never know what it would have been like to feel Reid's hot body against his. To see this aloof and rational person give in to feelings and passion, see him lose control. They had been so close sometimes…

"To be continued..." – the memory clutched at his heart. Their last really intimate moment in the apartment. If he had known that they would never have the chance to continue what they had started, he would have done anything to show Reid how he was feeling about him, that he wanted the older man as much as Reid wanted him, that Noah was nothing but a distant memory…

What the hell had Reid been doing on these tracks anyway? Had he really thought that he was so smart he was invincible? Why did Reid of all people have to go to Bay City in the first place? Chris had such a big family, why couldn't anyone of them have gone? Why Reid? Why the man who only a few months ago didn't give a damn about other people. If it hadn't been for him - Luke, Reid would still be the ignorant and cynical person he had blackmailed into coming to Oakdale but at least would be alive!

Too late! He would never feel Reid's body going through the ecstasy of pleasure, never see Reid's face distorted with desire, never exhaustedly fall asleep in Reid's arms, never wake up to look into Reid's smiling eyes… A whole new life was lost forever, because of one moment of recklessness.

The longing for the things he was never going to have was tearing him apart. How was he supposed to go on with his life? How would he ever be able to live without him? If only he could do something, anything to bring Reid back…What…

Luke woke with a start due to some snapping noise right in front of his face, sitting up in the uncomfortable hospital chair. Still half caught in his all too realistic dream, he stared unbelievingly into the blue eyes of the man whom he had thought to have lost forever. Reid, who had woken him just as gently and affectionately as after Noah's surgery, was looking down at him with mock reproach, but at the same time seemed utterly pleased with himself.

"So here I am, saving lives and you have nothing better to do than fall asleep in the middle of drama and chaos," Reid teased him. "How can anyone be so self-centered and cold-hearted? I'm afraid I will have to find myself somebody more sensitive."

Luke saw the man and heard the words but still wasn't able to quite take in what was going on. Was this real and Reid's death had just been a horrible nightmare, or was he dreaming now?

"Luke are you okay?", Reid who had probably expected some similarly teasing reaction from Luke was now looking down on him anxiously. "Here I am in a mood for celebration and you look as if though somebody had died when just the contrary is the case."

The contrary? Suddenly Luke was wide awake! "So you mean you made it to Bay City? And you brought back the heart for Chris?", he stammered excitedly. "Yep. They are only just preparing him for the surgery." Reid was not even trying to conceal how proud he was of himself.

" So am I not getting some kind of reward?", Reid complained teasingly. "After everything I have put myself through to make sure…" And then Reid wasn't able to say another word because Luke had jumped to his feet, wrapped his arms around him and crashed his lips down on Reid's mouth with a passion that took the older man's breath away. Luke slid his tongue into Reid's mouth in a deep and hungry kiss, pressing his body against Reid's. He definitely wasn't ready to let go of Reid any time soon.

When finally the need for air forced them to break the kiss, Luke still clung to Reid's body like a person drowning to a lifebelt. "Are you sure you are okay?" Reid asked him. "I mean, not that I am complaining, but I am not the one who almost died here, Chris is." Luke responded with a weak smile. 'If you knew…', he thought, but he didn't say anything. Reid seemed to be in such high spirits that Luke did not want to ruin the moment for him, especially not because of some stupid nightmare.

"I meant it, you know", Reid said, suddenly all serious. "What I said earlier…" "And I love you Reid!", Luke replied in a trembling voice. "You have no idea how much!" And he brought their lips back together again, wishing that this moment could last forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Luke, who was still having difficulties finding his way back to reality, kept kissing his regained lover as if his life depended on it. Now that he had gotten an idea of what it would have been like to lose Reid forever, he knew for sure that he really loved this man with all his heart and didn't want to waste another second before…

"Hey, hold on", with an abrupt movement Reid broke the kiss and took a step back so he could look Luke in the eyes. "What the hell did you mean saying I 'made it to Bay City'? I mean it's only a forty-minute drive from here, broad, straight roads, no traffic. Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to let anything happen to me on a trip like that? … And of course I brought back the donor heart. You know I always get my way. Especially since I could impress you with my heroic deed and of course knowing that you would probably have told everybody and gotten their hopes up the minute I had left. I would rather have let myself be hit by a train than come back without the heart!"

Luke winced at that last remark, a reaction which didn't escape Reid who, however, misinterpreted it. "Come on. It's okay that you told them," he tried to reassure the blond, taking his hand into his. "It makes no difference now, does it? Anyway, I'm starving here What about I'll be off for a second to grab something to eat and you wait here in case there's news of Chris." Luke nodded mechanically, but held on to Reid's hand. "Hey, I'll be back in no time", Reid promised. "And as soon as we know that Chris is going to be okay, we should get out of here and get some privacy. After all, I guess I can expect some more reward for my bravery." And with a quick kiss and mocking smile he was gone.

Luke stood there breathless, trying to process what was going on. So in really had only been one intense and all too realistic dream. Not only was Reid alive and well, but he had also actually managed to accomplish his impossible goal and come back to him like a real hero.

And still, the effect of the dream was weighing hard on Luke. Dream or no dream, the despair and regret his dream-self had felt over Reid's alleged death still echoed in his mind and heart and he couldn't help but wonder whether this had not just been a random dream, but some sort of sign from whatever higher power there was to tell him to finally fully live his love for that man and make the best of every single moment they would be able to share. Funny that one usually only started to fully appreciate things the moment one lost them. Well he hadn't lost Reid after all, and he would make damn sure he never would.

Quickly approaching steps woke him from his thoughts and he looked up to face Katie's whose expression reflected hope and even euphoria. Before he had the chance to speak, she was embracing him excitedly. "Oh my god, I can't believe what Reid did for Chris!" she sighed against Luke's shoulder. "They are only just performing the surgery and then Chris is going to be okay and we will have a future together and be a family and do all the stupid things families do and it's all because of Reid!"

Luke held her close and thought to himself: 'You have no idea how well I can understand how you feel, you have no idea…'


	3. Chapter 3

Katie let go of Luke and started walking up and down, pressing her hands together, the way she often did when she was excited. "You have no idea what this is like!", she went on. "I had almost resigned to the fact that I was about to lose Chris and now… Where is Reid anyway?", she interrupted herself, casting Luke a quizzical glance. "I have to thank that man! I guess without his bold last-minute intervention everything actually might have been lost!" "Getting something to eat", Luke replied. "Yeah, what else", Katie rolled her eyes. "Why was I even asking!". They both burst into a laugh that sounded somewhat hysterical due to the terror the two of them had gone through for fear of losing their loved ones.

"What's so funny?", Reid was approaching them, of course speaking with his mouth full, chewing away at some multi-storey tuna-mayo sandwich from the hospital cafeteria that to Luke looked as disgusting as everything else Reid ate.

"Reid!", with that shout Katie rushed towards her roommate and before Reid was able protect himself from the attack, she was throwing her arms around him while he was holding his hand up to at least save his beloved sandwich. "Oh Reid, I can't believe what you did for Chris – for us – I always knew you were a good person. I have no idea how can ever thank you enough for this."

"How about letting go of me and allowing me to finish my sandwich?", Reid replied, clearly not looking at ease with the situation. "And by the way", he continued when Katie had released him from the embrace, "the surgery isn't over yet. There might still be complications. Try to stay realistic here. I don't want you to put your hopes up and then be hurt even worse", he added with concern.

"You're right", Katie's voice became calmer and more steady. "But, you know, I can't help it, but somehow I feel that everything is going to be okay." "I'm sure it is", Luke joined in the conversation, gently putting one hand on Katie's shoulder. None of the other two knew that he was talking about himself and Reid as well as Katie and Chris. He looked at Reid and his heart was swelling with emotion. Not only was he madly in love with this man, but he was also admiring him for his boldness and self-confidence. Not doubting himself for a second he had accomplished what he had set his mind on, managed to get the heart at the hospital in Bay City and come back to Oakdale and to him, Luke, like a real hero.

"You haven't told us the tale of your heroic deed yet", he complained. "How on earth did go get the doctors in Bay City to let you walk out with that heart?" "Well, you know, somebody once showed me that through threatening and blackmail you can get people to do whatever you want them to do. So I just drove up to Bay City, walked into that hospital and told the losers there that in case they didn't let me take the heart that had been reserved for my patient in the first place, I would tip the authorities off to initiate some very thorough investigation into politics and procedures at that pathetic little excuse for a hospital." Reid made a dramatic pause, obviously overly pleased with himself. "Five minutes later I was driving back to Oakdale…with the heart!" "What, you blackmailed them?" Katie sounded both shocked an amused. "And that actually convinced them?" "Well, let's just say I learned from the best", Reid grinned and winked at Luke.

"Okay, so much for protocol and people skills", Luke sighed in mock resignation. He reached out, drew Reid towards himself and kissed him firmly on the lips. Reid responded by wrapping his arms around him and deepening the kiss. For a moment Katie and everything else around them was forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

For the next hour or so the three of them sat down in the visitors' area without talking much, each of them being exhausted in their own way. The rest of the Hughes family was nowhere to be seen, they were probably waiting right in front of the OR and Luke had a feeling it was best to leave them alone for the moment to give them space to come to terms with their fear. Luke had his arms around Katie who was leaning against his shoulder. Reid was facing them, probably relieved that Luke was doing the physical part of comforting Katie.

Letting his eyes rest on Reid, Luke felt somewhat torn inside. Of course, he wanted to know whether Chris was going to be alright, but he also couldn't wait to be alone with Reid to make up for the lost time.

Thinking of everything that had happened since he had woken up this morning, Luke couldn't believe that so many different emotions and event s would fit into only one day. First his conversation with Noah during which he had for the first time become fully aware of the fact that he was in love with Reid, then Reid's temporary disappearance for – as Luke later found out – a game of golf with Chris and some hospital executive, Chris' condition becoming critical, him and Reid fighting over Reid's behavior towards Katie, him accidentally telling Reid that he had told Noah he was in love with Reid, the prospect of a donor heart for Chris, that prospect going to pieces, Reid deciding to go to Bay City, Reid telling him that he loved him, his weird dream and the consequent realization of how much he indeed loved that man and finally Reid's triumphant return…Luke felt emotionally and physically exhausted. And there was more yet to come…

A sudden turmoil of hasty footsteps and excited voices brought him back to the present. Kim and Bob were rushing towards them, trailed by Allison, Casey, Margo and Tom. Luke understood before anyone said a word, for the relief on their faces spoke volumes. Katie rushed towards the group and was instantly caught into a tight embrace by Kim, who was still in tears but smiling at the same time. Katie, too, burst into tears of joy and relief, releasing all the emotions she had tried to control while waiting for news of Chris. "The surgery went well. If no unexpected complications turn up, Chris is going to fully recover", Bob addressed Luke and Reid. "I can't thank you enough Reid", he added solemnly, reaching out his hand to the younger doctor. If it hadn't been for your resolute intervention, my son might be dead, or at least dying, now."

Luke watched Reid shake Bob's outstretched hand with a sense of overwhelming pride. Reid, however looked pretty uncomfortable and Luke could tell that he was close to wishing he had never gone to Bay City if that would have spared him from having to deal with all that gratitude and emotional outbursts. Allison was beaming at him with admiration, Tom and Casey were both patting him on the back and Luke noticed that Reid was growing more and more tense… and the moment had still worse in store for Reid.

Letting go of Katie, Kim turned to face the man she had disliked so much and whom she had obviously done wrong. She swallowed hard before speaking. "Dr Oliver, no words will ever be enough to express the gratitude I feel towards you for saving my son. I am afraid I owe you another apology. Until today I always thought you only cared for yourself and didn't give a damn about others, but now I am happy to admit that I was wrong. You are a good man, indeed!" She took Reid by the shoulders and kissed him on the right cheek. "Please accept my apology." Luke watched the scene with an amused grin while the expression on Reid's face was changing from embarrassment to horror to disgust and back to embarrassment.

Noticing the grin, Reid smirked at Luke and then cast Kim and the others a forced smile. "All I wanted was to save my patient's life", he declared with emphasis. "And now that I know that Chris is going to make it, I think my work is done for today." While Reid was still talking, Allison embraced Luke from one side and Casey put his arm around Luke's other shoulder. "So Chris is really going to be okay", Allison sighed. "I was so scared!" "Me too!", Casey added, but now nothing stands in the ways of celebrating. "How about getting some drinks. After all, Chris is going to be asleep for a while anyway", he suggested.

Luke looked at Reid who did not appear too thrilled at the prospect of having to spend more time with all these people, and neither was he. Sure he understood that Casey and Allison wanted to celebrate their renewed engagement and he sure felt happy for them, but right now he was more interested in his own relationship. Interpreting the hesitation in Luke's eyes correctly, Casey grinned. "Okay, I see, you'd rather be alone with your Doc", he remarked with mock disappointment. "So drinks some other time then." Luke cast him a grateful smile and turned to Reid who was looking more and more pissed off. He grabbed the older man's shoulder, determined to get him out of Memorial before he had the chance to insult anyone. "Let's get out of here!" he whispered. "I still have to show you how much I appreciate your heroic deed", he added suggestively. Reid's face lightened up immediately and after some polite goodbyes to everyone, Luke took Reid's hand and dragged him towards the exit.


	5. Chapter 5

_Before I continue I'd love to thank superlost, dayshplover, ficnic, BlueEyes444, Milord Mori, Katrina 73, momentshaveyou for their encouraging reviews. You really made my day._

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Getting back to Reid's apartment took hours – at least that was what it felt like to Luke.

Of course, they had to get Reid something to eat on their way – another disgusting sandwich – and Reid was going on and on about how much he hated being faced with the Hughes family and their gratitude, and with people in general and about how much he had hated playing golf that morning and how people could play golf and actually pretend it was exercise, and…

Luke was gradually losing patience. How could Reid care about stuff like that right now? Luke could have thought of so many better things to talk about…or do, for that matter.

To talk about his feelings, for example. That he had only just noticed he was madly, desperately in love with Reid. Or his dream, how the mere idea of losing Reid had broken his heart – No! He couldn't tell Reid about that one, or could he? Should he?

No! Luke had no idea how Reid would react. He'd probably just laugh and make some sarcastic jokes about Luke being childish or dramatic and Luke knew that that would hurt his own feelings and probably ruin the evening. No, they had already lost way too much time in the past due to stupid arguments and one or both of them overreacting.

Finally, Reid was unlocking the door to the apartment. "And that guy actually had the nerve to try and send me back to Oakdale without the heart, saying he had his own patient to think of and I should wait my turn, can you believe it? But I gave…"

...and then Reid wasn't able to say another word. The instant the door was open, Luke had pushed him through the door and against the wall right next to it. Before Reid had the chance to resume his soliloquy, Luke crashed his lips against Reid's and slipped his tongue demandingly into the other man's mouth, where it was met with an equally passionate response. For minutes, their tongues fought for dominance, exploring each other's mouths with their breathing getting both faster and heavier by the second.

Luke reveled in the moment. This was what he had longed for these past few hours, this was what he needed! Feeling Reid's tongue sliding along his own, feeling the soft skin of Reid's cheeks under his hands and feeling Reid's slender body against his own! This beautiful, hot body, unharmed, unscathed, perfect.

Luke felt so aroused by the feel, the smell and the taste of that man that he could hardly control himself any longer and from the way Reid, who had brought both his hands to Luke's head, was clinging to Luke's hair and breathing heavily, Luke could tell that the ever so detached and aloof neurosurgeon was feeling the same way.

Kissing Reid even harder than before, Luke started unbuttoning the dark red shirt Reid looked so incredibly attractive in. "Whatever happened to taking things slow", Reid asked with a grin, sounding out of breath. Luke grinned back. "Well, if you're not ready for me, I will of course leave you alone", he said with mock resignation.

Shrugging his shoulders, he let go of Reid and pretended to be reaching for the door handle, but immediately felt himself being pulled back and enclosed in Reid's arms. "Don't you dare!", Reid whispered into his ear, before starting to kiss and suck at Luke's neck. Simultaneously, he slipped his hands under Luke's green t-shirt.

Feeling his entire body respond to the touch of Reid's hand on his naked skin, Luke gave away an impatient moan. He wanted – needed – more – now! In order to drive things further, he raised his arms above his head and, understanding the wordless appeal, Reid removed Luke's shirt in one hasty gesture.

Then his hands were on Luke's skin again and his tongue sliding along Luke's collarbone. Luke dug his nails into the fabric of Reid's shirt and moved in closer, pushing Reid against the wall. Their chests were brought together, naked skin on naked skin!

His body was aching for this man, driven by a degree of desire that he had never felt for Noah in all their time together. He pressed his loins against Reid's, noticing with satisfaction that Reid was sharing his hungry need.

And then Luke felt Reid's hands squeezing in between their hips, reaching for the buckle of Luke's belt, and that was when Luke's mind went blank, his body claiming complete control over his actions and everything turned into a blur of heated passion and frantic movement: Clothes being discarded on the way from the living room to the bedroom, naked bodies finding their way to Reid's bed, moving rhythmically, lips and tongues playing with each other, hands caressing hot, sweaty skin, hips pressing against each other, pushing faster and faster, wild moaning and finally collapsing on top of each other, exhausted, but satisfied – and happy.

For some time neither man spoke, reveling in the aftermath, still out of breath and unwilling to break the spell of the moment.

Reid's hand was playing with Luke's soft blond hair and Luke lay there with a deeply satisfied smile on his face which was pressed against Reid's chest. He couldn't remember ever having had such a feeling of bliss and fulfillment, of being exactly where he belonged.

And somehow he knew that whatever the future might have in store for them – and he didn't doubt for one second that life with Reid would always be a challenge – things were going to be okay as long as they were together.


End file.
